WRY BREAD: A Slice of My Life

in Pursuit of Dough

Playing the ‘Six Degrees of Separation’ Game,

Don’t We ALL Know Someone Who’s Been Laid Off?

By Gail Harlow

Enron, K-mart, Sears, Tyco, Sara Lee. Lately, it seems like there’s a new round of layoffs or a major bankruptcy in the news every week. Reading about them on the train or hearing about them on your car radio as you commute to your own not-so-secure job, you probably shake your head and mutter, “How awful”—then knock on the nearest simulated-wood surface to ward off any chance that it will happen to you or to anyone you love. I know I do.

          Well, yesterday, the recession came home to roost for me. I heard about a friend of a friend —let’s call her Susan—whose father committed suicide several days ago. He’d been disconsolate, because his life's business had just been liquidated in a bankruptcy proceeding.  How terrible, how heart-rending, I thought. Then my friend told me that Susan herself was recently laid off and that her husband has been “hearing voices” ever since he lost his job a few months ago. The couple have an infant son to care for…oh, and did I mention that Susan’s mother has Alzheimer’s?

          I can only imagine what Susan must be feeling. Who would blame her if, like Chicken Little, she were convinced that the sky was falling. Pundits and prognosticators can spout all they want about the economy being poised for a turn-around in the second quarter. (I hope they’re right!) They can cite statistics that point to the nearly 95 percent of the population that is still working. But when someone you know even by association files for unemployment (or, worse, commits suicide), it tends to increase your own anxiety level. And, playing the “Six Degrees of Separation” Game, don’t we all know someone who’s been affected by a layoff or forced early retirement? There is an undeniable psychological ripple effect taking place in this country that few talk about. With so many layoffs and bankruptcies, it’s a wonder we’re not all on Prozac or signing up for Yoga classes to exorcise our “What Will I Do If It Happens to Me?” demons.

          During the Depression of the 1920s, businessmen who’d lost everything jumped out of windows and fell to their deaths on Wall Street. That sad image is now overlaid with the haunting images of people jumping to escape the horrors of the World Trade Center attack in that very same Wall Street district. All those young and old lives lost on September 11 have caused many of us to rethink what matters most.  This society teaches us to define our lives by the pursuit of money. “What does she do for a living?” is the first question that too often gets asked about strangers, as if one’s profession were some sort of secret decoder ring that will tell us everything we need to know about the other person. We might learn more by asking,  “What’s her stand on abortion or the environment?  What does she do for fun—or for her community?”  

          The story of Susan’s father prompts me to wonder: Is money—or the lack of it—worth dying for? With eight million women-owned businesses in the U.S. and more starting up every month, it also prompts me to wonder: Would a woman commit suicide over her failed business? Perhaps, but my hunch is that it’s less likely. We women reserve our despair for things that really matter—like love and its loss, or the health and happiness of our children. Yes, money, or the lack thereof, can impact these things. But, when the sky seems to be falling, most women have an innate optimism that things will eventually get better.  More important, they have strong lifelines in the form of friends who won’t let them give up.

          Hard to say what my friend can say or do to help his friend, Susan, right now. Over time, he’ll probably find innumerable small ways to show his concern, from checking in with phone calls to sending job leads her way. Perhaps he’ll encourage her to reach down deep inside herself—tap into the self that doesn’t define itself by what she used to do to earn a paycheck—to find the strength to carry on, and, if necessary, to reinvent herself professionally.

          Who knows? Maybe she’ll eventually start her own business in memory of her father. And succeed at it. 

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Gail Harlow is the Founding Editor of MAKING BREAD: The Magazine

for Women Who Need Dough.

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