How to Have a Happier Holiday

‘You’re Not Your Mother’ . . . and Other ‘Myth-takes’ That Can Take the Merry

Out of Christmas

By Elizabeth Kaminsky

            Ride through any neighborhood. Visit any department store. The trappings of Christmas—department-store Santas, lawn reindeer, and holiday sales flyers—are everywhere. Like it or not, ‘tis the season to shop (and bake and wrap and party) till we drop. Our mailboxes have been stuffed with catalogs and our credit cards have been twitching in our wallets for weeks; every year, we vow not to go as crazy as the last, even proclaiming our resolve to have a happier holiday next year in our New Year’s resolutions. Avoiding these four holiday “myth-takes” could help to make your holidays brighter right now.

Don’t Fall for the Hollywood Hype

            The biggest mistake—or “myth-take”—women make is falling for the myth that our holidays have to be Hollywood movie-magic perfect.   Save the “holly” for your wreath. Stop trying to compare your family to feel-good movies like “It’s a Wonderful Life”—or even feel-good commercials on TV. Doing so just makes you feel “less than” perfect.  If our homes don’t look like something out of Martha Stewart Living or our families don’t include 2.4 children and a station wagon, if we don’t look like, act like, or walk like all the holiday hype, we feel we’re not worthy of a happy holiday.

            But modeling our celebrations after media-invented ideals is just plain silly. The truth is, real people come in all shapes, sizes, combinations and family structures. Every one of us has a unique value and has earned her or his place in the world. Some of my most enjoyable and memorable holidays were spent with people I truly cared about, instead of those to whom I felt obligated.  Which brings me to the next point…

You’re Not Your Mother

            I watched my own mother and many other mothers over the years drive themselves nuts during the holidays. The sounds of Christmas carols were drowned out by the sounds of fighting over who gets invited to whose house on this day as opposed to that day, competing for the honor of whose gift was bigger, who did more cooking, who martyred herself more than anyone else, and on and on.

            Whew! When you’re finished watching what some families do to each other in the name of the holidays, it can be emotionally exhausting. If you’re embroiled in it, it can be devastating. In my experience, most of our holiday disappointments result because family members are unwilling to be truthful with each other about realistic expectations and limitations. A little tactful honesty can go a long way toward keeping the season merry. 

Leave Those Cookies for Santa  . . .

            One king-sized source of holiday stress is our desire to minimize our waistlines while maximizing our gourmet cooking skills. The problem is obvious. These goals have a hard time living in harmony. Plus, we tend to use munchies (and money) to soothe the savage stress created by Hollywood myths and our mothers. I admit it. There’s nothing like a hidden bag of Oreos on the porch to help me get through a long evening with the family.  While the holidays are not exactly the right time to start the Slim-fast plan, we can be kinder to our bodies by putting in (mostly) healthy fuel. And, hey, if you run out of time to make the perfect fruitcake, you can always pick one up at he local store. Chances are, no one will eat it anyway.

Pay Cash!

            Nothing makes for a more stressful holiday than opening up the January credit-card bills. If you’re doing your last-minute shopping, make a list and stick to it. Set limits on what you’ll spend.  Trim your list before you trim your tree; buy gifts only for those most important in your life. And whatever you do, pay cash.   

            Think about this. Let’s say you spent a grand total of $1,200 last year for turtleneck sweaters, socket-wrench sets, foot massagers and electric dog brushes. If you charged all those gifts—guess what—the credit-card balances for those goodies will far outlast their useful lives.

Remember What’s Truly Important

            Sure, all of these suggestions seem like common sense, and we all know what we should be doing. In the throes of decking the halls, however, it’s easy to forget what is truly important— time with the people we enjoy. If the events of the past year have taught us anything, it is that life is precious, fragile and shorter than we’d like. Enjoy each moment and have a happier holiday!

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Elizabeth Kaminsky is the owner of Outburst Creations, a communications consulting company and artists’ cooperative. She has extensive experience in human resources, investor relations and adult education. Currently, she teaches continuing education courses in personal finance and family issues for a New Jersey university.