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WHEN TWO BECOME ONE
Steps to Take Before—and After—the Loss of a Spouse
By Gail Harlow
now that you are not alone if you have just lost your husband, your partner, your lover, your best friend. There are 12 million widows in the U.S. today. Chances are good that you know someone—a neighbor, a relative, a friend—who has experienced the same loss. Don’t be afraid to reach out to them for advice and support. And consider joining a widow’s support group to keep your spirits up during the first year that you are alone again.
On a more practical level, there are a number of things that every married woman, no matter what her age, should be doing right now to protect her interests and prepare herself, just in case she finds herself in the same unfortunate situation. STEPS TO TAKE JUST IN CASE 1. Stay involved with the family finances. Know what you earn, what you own, and what you owe. Be a full partner with your spouse in handling the money and making the financial decisions.
2. Know where all the important financial papers are kept. Keep the following in one readily accessible place so you’ll know where they are when you need them: marriage certificate, birth certificates of your children and spouse, Social Security cards, life insurance policies, military discharge papers, a list of the stock and bond funds you own and their certificates, papers involving any pensions or retirement plans you and your spouse have, and copies of your taxes for the last three years. Plus a copy of your will, living will, financial power of attorney, and the titles to your house, and car.
3. Create a will and living will, if you don’t already have them. Also consider drawing up financial and medical powers of attorney, naming others whom you want to handle decisions for you if you become incapacitated. These can be handled cheaply at http://www.legalzoom.com or through a local attorney.
4. Know the names and contact information of your family’s financial advisors. These include your family accountant, lawyer, broker and insurance agent.
5. Name an executor or co-executor. This could be a family friend, family member or lawyer who is familiar with the probate process in your state, who will be able to take some of the burden off you when you are dealing with your grief.
6. If your husband owns a business, consult a business attorney. Decide how or whether you want control to pass to you. Put legal agreements in place detailing the disposition of the business.
7. Stay up to date in your profession, if you are a stay-at-home mom. It will make it easier for you to re-enter the workforce if you find yourself in the position of sole breadwinner for your family.
IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE DEATH
1. Notify your insurance company. You should be able to get the proceeds right away, and they are not taxable. Don’t feel pressured to make a decision immediately about how to invest them, however. Put them in CD’s or a money-market account until you’ve had time to consult a financial planner about how you can make the best use of this money for yourself moving forward and for your children, if you have any. If the payout is large enough, you’ll want to look at ways to invest it so that you can live off the interest that it earns.
2. Transfer any jointly held property into your name. Open a new bank account and transfer funds, if you can, from your joint account to one in your name. Depending on the state you live in, you may or may not be able to do this. Assets in a joint account may be frozen until probate, which is one reason why it’s a good idea for a married woman to keep an account in her own name, with enough money in it to live on for a month or two.
3. Request at least 12 copies of the death certificate from the funeral home. You will be asked to produce a copy by every company you approach about joint financial matters.
4. Notify your husband’s employer and all creditors. Check to see if there is insurance in place to cover debt repayment in the event of death, such as mortgage insurance, for instance.
5. Call the Social Security Administration (1-800-772-1213) and learn what your rights and your children's rights are. Social Security benefits are not automatically paid out after a death; you must apply for them. If you are caring for children under age 16 or disabled children, you may be eligible for survivor benefits, no matter what your age. One strategy that works well for some widows is claiming SS on their own record at age 62, then switching to a full survivor benefit based on their husband’s record at age 65, if that’s a larger amount.
6. If your spouse was a veteran, apply for Veterans' benefits at the nearest Veterans Administration office. You may be eligible for the $12,000 military death gratuity benefit for the widows of those who die while on active duty or active duty training in the armed forces or reserves.
7. Apply for COBRA benefits, if you were insured under a group health-insurance policy at your husband’s workplace. You are eligible for continued coverage at the group rate for 36 months.
8. Above all, don't do anything in haste. Don't sell the house, quit your job, sell the business, if there is one, make a quick decision on what to do with the proceeds from insurance, etc. Instead, take the time to grieve and slowly study your options and the consequences of any financial action you take. Consult a lawyer and a financial planner or tax accountant to determine what’s beset for you and your children, moving forward.
MOVING ON
1. Just as you did when you were starting out on your own before you were married, make a budget. Calculate what money you will have coming in and how much you need to maintain a comfortable life style, and figure out what changes you will have to make to live within your new limits. Get your children involved in some of these decisions. It will make them feel like they’re helping you, and it’s a good way to teach them about money.
2. Finally, tap into the hopes and dreams and strength of the young woman you were before you married. Reconnect with her dreams to help your start life over again.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES“Grieving: A Love Story,” by Ruth Coughlin _______________________________
Gail Harlow is the Founding Editor of MAKING BREAD: The Magazine for Women Who Need Dough. E-mail her at gail@makingbreadmagazine.com with your comments.
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