Speak Easy!

An Expert’s Tips for Increasing Your

Communication Skills on the Job

By Dr. Marcia Eckerd

here have probably been times at work when you have wanted to punch someone in the nose and, instead, you’ve either overreacted (at the top of your lungs), or sulked, or simply stewed.  And stewed.  And stewed.  Being on the outs with colleagues is, arguably, worse than a bad marriage, because you spend so much time on the job and your livelihood depends on your ability to weather other people's bad moods or questionable motives.  What to do when you're on the receiving end of such rumbles?

     MAKING BREAD talked with Dr. Marcia Eckerd, an authority on communications skills, about the best ways to deal with co-workers who are rude, or who attempt to sabotage you, or steal your ideas, or holler at you for some real or imagined gaffe.  Here’s her advice.

Do As I Say: 10 Talking Points  

1. Take a few deep breaths and relax before you take on a challenge.  If you need to, tell yourself, "I can handle this." It will help you focus and stay in control.

2. Think about timing.  Is this a moment when the other person will be receptive? You can have a sense of urgency to address something now, but often later is better.

3. Remember that most of your emotional message is communicated nonverbally. Be aware of your body language.  Do your facial expressions, posture and eye contact say, "I'm interested and I'm listening," as well as "I know what I'm doing"?

4. Be a good listener.  Communicate your understanding of what is being said to you by summarizing or reflecting back some of the ideas.  You don't have to agree, but you do need to understand.

5. Share your ideas assertively, in a way that respects your own ideas.  "Well, I think…" and "Maybe..." don't communicate confidence. If you use a little humor, you can often engage your listener more effectively.

6. Check to make sure that your ideas are understood before you charge ahead. "Let me see if we are on the same page..." is a good way to get rid of misunderstandings before they get too far.

7. Call a time-out if you need to.  If you don't feel the conversation is going in a good direction, take a break by saying, "You have some important points. Let me think about them and get back to you." It's hard to argue with someone who says your ideas are good.

8. Get the larger picture of what's going on from everyone's perspective, and try to find win-win solutions when possible.  What are the concerns of others—not just your main concerns?  It's best if you can come up with ideas that address everyone's needs.

9. Pick your battles. Remember to ask yourself, "What is my objective?" It's not always worth upsetting someone if your long-term goal is to gain his or her cooperation and support.

10. Never forget to give credit where it is due and to say thanks. It encourages people to help you.

______________________________________

Dr. Marcia Eckerd is a licensed psychologist who has developed programs in social-skills training, assessment and consultation. In practice for more than 20 years, she specializes in evaluating and treating psychological, learning and attention problems as well as in coaching relationship skills. Dr. Eckerd is a featured lecturer who appears regularly on television as a commentator on

 psychological issues.

E-mail this article.

_________

MAKING BREAD RECOMMENDS

Click on covers

 to read reviews

and order.