Charm School for Businesswomen?
Learn the Fine Art of Mingling to Get Ahead
By
Barbara Pachter
wo managers were competing
for a promotion. Both were professionally competent and ready to move up.
Yet only one of them had outstanding social skills. She was the one who
could walk into any social event—whether a dinner meeting or company
party—and immediately strike up a conversation with just about anyone.
She was outgoing and interesting. She made everyone around her feel
comfortable. The other woman crossed her arms when talking to others,
didn’t make eye contact and often stood by herself at networking events.
Small talk was a torment for her.
Guess
who got picked for the promotion? The good mingler, of course. Social
skills are as important to your success as that Masters in Business
Administration you worked so hard to earn. For those who’ve just been laid
off and are looking for their next job, the fine art of mingling at
association meetings, job fairs or interviews becomes as valuable an asset
as a strong resume. Whether you’re selling yourself, or selling your
product, or your company’s services, knowing
how to socialize successfully isn’t an option; it’s an important business
skill these days. It’s an essential tool in your efforts to meet
people and have them get to know you outside of the traditional office
setting. People do business with others they know, like and respect.
 Knowing
how to strike up conversations with people you know and don’t know
is also a great way to get the inside story or gain valuable information
about your department, company or field, giving you an advantage in your
work. Yet socializing
with ease doesn’t come easily to everyone. After business school, some
people could benefit from a
course in “charm school.” The good news is that mingling is a skill that
can be mastered by anyone, even the shy individual, as well as those
professionals who think they already are great minglers, but only talk
about themselves and never express a genuine interest in others.
So, for
those of you who need to brush up on your social skills, here are my nine
“Charm School “ tips for making a good impression at social business
functions:
1.
Have a positive attitude.
If you go into a social situation thinking you will have a horrible time,
you will have a horrible time. If you go thinking, “I can mingle, I
can have an interesting, good time,” then you are much more likely to have
a positive experience.
2.
Keep your body language open.
I see a lot of people who look like ice kings and queens at business
social events. They stand with stern facial expressions. Others cross
their arms, wring their hands, stand against the wall or bite their nails.
Instead, walk in with a smile. Keep your hands to your sides. And
remember, if you don’t look or act nervous, people won’t know you are
nervous.
3.
Follow the 10-5 rule for meeting and greeting.
If you make
eye contact with someone within 10 feet of you, you must acknowledge them
with a nod or a smile. At 5 feet, you must say something—“Hello,” or “Good
morning.” It’s a good rule, because it drives people crazy when others
pretend they don’t see them!
4.
Dress appropriately.
Wear clothes that fit well and are appropriate to the event. You want to
feel good and comfortable in them. It’s hard to mingle with
confidence if you’re dressed
inappropriately or your clothes are ill-fitting.
5.
Prepare conversation ahead of time.
People feel much more able to approach others when they have something to
say. Read the daily newspaper and know what is going on in the world.
Read your professional journals and newsletters and know what’s going on
in your field.
 6.
Be willing to introduce yourself to new people.
The easiest
person to walk up to is the person who is alone. That person is usually
grateful for the company. Introduce yourself and shake hands both when you
greet the person and when you leave. And remember to keep your drink in
your left hand so that your right one is free and dry when you extend it
for that handshake. If you’re sitting down, turn to the people on either
side of you and say hello and introduce yourself.
7.
Ask questions to encourage the other person to talk.
Comment on their answers to continue the conversation. Here are four types
of comments you can make:
·
Expanding: “Tell me more, it sounds as if you had a great
time.”
·
Comparing: “That sounds as if it is similar to…”
·
Self-revealing: “I know what you mean I was in a similar
situation last year.”
·
Clarifying: “What exactly did he do?”
8.
Don’t drink too much.
Some people may drink to feel more comfortable in social situations, but
it can really backfire on you. You may say or do something you wouldn’t
normally say or do. If you do decide to drink, stick to the one-drink
rule.
9.
Use exit lines.
Not only do you need to say hello, you need to say goodbye. An exit line
will help you say goodbye gracefully and leave on a positive note. Don’t
strive for cleverness, just be sincere: You can simply say, “Nice talking
to you,” “Good to see you,” or “I hope to see you again soon.”
Put these tips into
practice at your next business event. You’ll find they work like a charm
at putting others and yourself at ease. Before you know it, you’ll have
won new friends and made some important new business connections that
could lead to sales—or that promotion you’ve been working towards.
______________________________
Barbara
Pachter is the author of “The Power of Positive Confrontation”
($13.95 paperback, Marlowe & Co.), “When The
Little Things Count…And They Always Count” ($12.95, paperback, Marlowe &
Co.), and the co-author of the “Prentice Hall Complete
Business Etiquette Handbook.” She is a speaker, trainer and coach
specializing in business communications, business etiquette, and
assertiveness issues. Her client list features major corporations and
organizations worldwide, including NASA, Merck & Co., Nabisco and
the University of Michigan. For a free subscription
to Pachter's newsletter, "Competitive Edge," go to
www.pachter.com. Published three times a year, it contains tips and
strategies for business professionals on a wide range of business
communication and etiquette issues. |
