Superwoman’s Guide to Doing It All

3 Tips to Help You Balance Work

and Family Without Going Crazy

By Elizabeth Kaminsky

ow can I balance my work and family responsibilities?  Whenever I hear that question, I picture an old skit from The Ed Sullivan Show—the one where the funny little man sets 10 plates spinning atop poles and then runs back and forth, tweaking each one to keep it in the air. At so many times in my life I’ve felt like that guy, only my hands were tied behind my back, and the plates were either wobbling out of control or crashing on the floor.  How can we keep all of our plates in the air, make our families happy, keep our business humming and our careers moving forward? There’s no magic solution, but with a little focus, you can spin with the best. Here are three tips that might help you put things in perspective.

            Let ‘em Fall: Many of us have Perfectionist as our middle name. We’re the ones who feel that no one can do what we do the way we do it. Maybe so, but in order to achieve balance, we will need to let some things fall. Setting priorities is a difficult task, since every thing (and every one) in our lives screams “Me First!”  

How do you pick which “Me First” to listen to? My advice: pick yourself. There is a good financial adage that says, “Pay Yourself First” when figuring out your monthly budget. I firmly believe it is the only way that most of us will save to accomplish our goals. The same holds true for our time. Like money, it is in limited supply. We must spend and save time wisely if we are to achieve the kind of balanced lives we seek. 

Making yourself No. 1 on the priority list is not something most of us, as women, are accustomed to. We are groomed to set our needs aside to take care of others. And that’s precisely why we are overworked, unfulfilled and just plain tired.  The first step toward more balance in life is believing that you are No. 1 and that your needs are a priority. You must truly believe it, or you will keep on spinning the plates and wearing yourself out in the process. 

            Give ‘em Away: Delegate, delegate, delegate! I know what you’re thinking. “She has no clue what my life is like, I have so many things and people to take care of…” Trust me, I do know, and here’s how. For 18 years, I was the primary caregiver for my wheelchair-bound mother. I was financially and personally responsible for her 24-hour care. I worked full time in a management-level position requiring a 60-hour week. For five of those 18 years, I also had sole care and feeding of Mom’s sister, stricken with the same disease and disability. What did that mean? Three households to clean, three sets of meals to prepare (with different restricted diets, mind you), a full time job, nursing care for two (dressing, bathing, medication, transportation), and all the other ordinary life stuff on top of that.  Needless to say, my days and nights were filled with everything but time for me. In about Year 14, I developed an ulcer. No big surprise, but it made me deathly ill. It was a big wake-up call. I knew I had to take care of myself. Lives were depending on it, especially mine. 

            After some soul-searching, counseling and negotiating with my care recipients, I began to get my life on track. Which brings me, at last, to the point. In order to achieve balance in life, you must be willing to delegate.  As an only child, I didn’t feel I had anyone to delegate to. Desperation, I found, was the real mother of invention. I dug up support from the people and agencies around me. I enlisted neighbors to do light shopping, dealt with pharmacies who would deliver, called the Office on Aging for transportation to a doctor’s appointment. I was relentless in my pursuit of help. I made the most of whatever was offered, whether half and hour or half a day. I made specific requests, since people often don’t know how to help. Then, I used the time I gained strictly for me—to soak in the tub, take a walk, go to the beach or sleep in. Once I acquired an extra few moments, I held onto them for dear life—my dear life. 

            Chances are, you’ve heard this before. If not, let me remind you. “If you do not take care of your own needs, no one else will.” You must learn to delegate enough tasks to gain time to recharge yourself. You are no good to the people you love or to your exciting new business if you are sick, tired or any combination thereof. When you delegate, you must accept that things will be done to different standards. If you are a perfectionist like me, that will bug you a lot. Don’t let it. Remind yourself of the precious gift you are gaining—time for yourself.  

              Laugh at ‘em (and with ‘em): The only thing that kept me going during this two-decade juggling act was my sense of humor. From the outside, there wasn’t much to laugh about, with two loved ones in wheelchairs being consumed by disease. But there were family memories to share while cooking dinner, silly jokes to tell, Mel Brooks videos to watch.  

We even found some humor in their disability. When my mother or aunt would drop something because their crippled hands could no longer hold it, they would quickly grab another item within reach. Then, with flair, they would deliberately toss the second item at the first and exclaim with glee, “There, now you have company!” They would collapse into laughter and take me with them. I didn’t ever mind picking up the extra items on the floor.  

So rent those funny movies, have a friend tell you a joke, read the funnies in the newspaper—do anything that makes you laugh. It truly is the best medicine. 

The secrets to a balanced life are within your reach. Prioritize, putting yourself at the top of the list. Delegate to recapture some time. Remember to laugh—hard and often! Laughter sustains the body, energizes the mind and heals the soul. Keep on spinning!

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Elizabeth Kaminsky is the owner of Outburst Creations, a communications consulting company and artists’ cooperative. She has extensive experience in human resources, investor relations and adult education. Currently, she teaches continuing education courses in personal finance and family issues for a New Jersey university.

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