WRY BREAD: A Slice of My Life in Pursuit of Dough

How I Learned That Love and Money

Are Not Two Sides of the Same Coin

 By Gail Harlow      

ou know those television commercials for a certain credit-card company where the narrator recites the cost of various activities being portrayed on screen? A typical one goes something like this: Trip to Ireland to see the place where Mom grew up—$3,000. Lunch at the pub in her hometown–$70. The look on Mom’s face when she meets the man for whom she had her first crush again…PRICELESS….

          No doubt about it: These ads are well-produced, very effective heart-tuggers, even though their consumerist message—tell someone how much you love them by spending money on them and you’ll get a “priceless” reward—is fraught with contradiction

We all know money can’t buy love. Right? But in this country we have been trained by commercials like this to show our love by spending money. The size of the rock your fiancé gives you is a measure of his love for you. The size of the box of chocolates you give your man on Valentine’s Day shows him how much you love him. The expensive Ivy League tuition and wedding reception a father subsidizes shows his daughter how much he loves her….and on and on.

Sure, it’s great to be on the receiving end of extravagant presents, and spending money—if you have it—is one way to show how much you care. But some very special people in my life have taught me that there is a far more valuable gift. That is the gift of awareness, and it’s a gift that we all can afford to give to everyone around us. We all feel we have to love our family, but true generosity of spirit begins with noticing and honoring the people around us who are not, technically-speaking, “family.”  On a universal level, we are all one family. Look carefully and you’ll begin to notice little scenarios involving loving-kindness and money being acted out around us every day. And you don’t need a credit card to pay for them.

I first learned the lesson of generosity of spirit from a $10-an-hour receptionist at a magazine where I worked. The atmosphere at this small magazine, always on the verge of success and the edge of bankruptcy, was tense beyond words. The staff was small and the workload that each of us bore was enormous. Yet one day Gracie, who often had to borrow money at the end of the week to get by, noticed that my nerves were shot and that I hadn’t had time to take an afternoon break, so she bought me a fruit drink. The $1.50 the drink cost was a fortune to her, but the fact that she took the time to notice that I needed a pick-me-up  made her gesture priceless . . . and no fruit drink ever tasted better.  We began treating each other to drinks every afternoon, and somehow we both managed to survive that pressure cooker.

Another friend who works in Center City Philadelphia can’t walk by a street person without handing out a dollar bill. By conservative estimate, I’d say he gives away $30 a week. Do those dollar bills make a big difference in the quality of  the lives of the street people he talks to? On a material level, probably not, though you might be surprised to learn how much—a warm cup of coffee, a 99 cent Big Mac—a dollar still can buy. What’s more important to them, I suspect, is the fact that he took the time to notice them, to acknowledge their presence, to validate their humanity, to say a few words to them.

          I LOVE giving presents; in fact, I may be the worst offender when it comes to spending money extravagantly, foolishly, to show my affection. But what Gracie and other wonderful people in my life have taught me is this: The best present that those I love give me is their presence in my life. And it doesn’t cost them a penny.

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Gail Harlow is the Founding Editor of MAKING BREAD: The Magazine for Women Who Need Dough. E-mail her at gail@makingbreadmagazine.com with your comments.  

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