uestion: What do money, men, marriage, and mortgages

have in common?

nswer: All of them, at one time or another, seem elusive to many of us. So we decided to devote an issue of the magazine to pinning these moving targets down—at least for a little while. In this issue, women share their fears—and triumphs—connected with money, men, marriage and mortgages, offering solutions for those of you who may feel the need for a change, if not a makeover as extreme as the ones some of these women have experienced.

            There are so many romantic notions surrounding all of these “M” words. Many of us grew up humming the tune to that song about love and marriage going together “like a horse and carriage.” Overdosing on Father Knows Best, Leave It to Beaver and The Brady Bunch reruns, we thought we’d all end up in a cozy cottage for two. We should have been watching Suze Orman, admonishing us to get real about our money, instead, because father doesn’t always know best, Beaver often leaves his wife when he grows up, and a family as perfect as the Brady Bunch never existed.

            Often, we form new families of friends to help us get by—like a woman I know who lost her apartment recently because she couldn’t pay the rent. What did she do? She moved in with her neighbor, who, in the most neighborly of gestures, offered to share his home with her as long as she needs it. They are just friends; good friends.

            Similarly, the author of “Rent-Free at Last!” relied on a little help from a very good friend to achieve what her mother never did—own her own home. “An important shift had occurred. I no longer felt like a loser,” thought Allison Acken, on learning she qualified for a 100-percent mortgage. Still hesitant, she wanted to wait until she’d saved enough to cover the costs associated with moving. A friend gave her the money to move now, while mortgage rates are still low.

            Money, men, marriages, mortgages. Our emotions get tangled up in situations involving each of these subjects. We sometimes allow ourselves to feel defined by the presence or absence of each in our lives. And we shouldn’t. Nor should we forget that each is intertwined in ways that can sneak up and surprise us.

            Marriage, for instance—that ultimate act of love and commitment—is, at heart, a financial contract. Family-law attorney Cheryl L. Young spells out the consequences of overlooking that fact and predicts a trend in postnups in “Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue—and Don’t Forget the Prenup!”

            Other women have such big issues with men and money that they can’t bring themselves to walk down the aisle. “I began to understand why I am so independent when it comes to money and so selective when it comes to love,” writes Elizabeth Kaminsky in “Chasing ‘the Man That Got Away’,” her very wise, eye-opening and heart-wrenching piece about how daughters who lose the first man in their lives—their fathers—cope with the aftershock of that loss.

            “Looking for someone as perfect as Dad is a tall order. What life has taught me is that enjoying the man in front of you is more important than searching for someone who may not exist.”

            In that same story, another fatherless daughter confesses that “being raised by all women, I was told that men would betray me. I know all the red flags, but I always seem to meet guys who are just like my father. I end up giving them one more chance, tolerating their freeloading and treating me badly.”

            For help in improving the field, she should read “What’s Money Got to Do with It?”, a new book that’s excerpted in this issue. In that excerpt, “The New Money Rules for Winning the Dating Game,” best-selling author Cheryl D. Broussard and her partner Michael A. Burns take the mystery out of who pays for dinner and how to find your money soul mate. (Guess what, ladies? If you make more money, get ready to ante up.)

            Also in this issue: In “Making EBay Pay,” a college student who’s found ways to make her obsession with eBay pay off shares her advice. A designer-clothes diva goes on a shopping spree at Target, coming home with three stylish outfits for only $202. And a 22-year-old daughter has a heart-to-heart with her mom about what it was like being raised by a professional. The good news: It’s OK, working moms—your daughters don’t hate you because you work. Quite the opposite, in fact.

            Finally, our “Funny Business” columnist, Victoria Secunda, unveils her 10-month-long, truly “Extreme Makeover,” letting her hair color grow out. Testing her new look, she writes, “You’re not going to believe what happened next. I got hit on. You heard right. An attractive 50-ish guy made a pass.” Not only that, her new do is saving her $600 a year in hair-stylist fees.

            Men and money: Isn’t it nice when we can figure out how to have both—on our own terms?

                         _________________________________

Gail Harlow is the Founding Editor of MAKING BREAD. Send your comments, questions and suggestions to gail@makingbreadmagazine.com.

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